mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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