After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
