I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
