i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
