is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
