I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We left an ass print on the piano.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
