I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
