I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
