Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
