You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
