As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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