You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
