So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
