hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
