she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
