I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
