If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
it's like iHOP with fire
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
