So drunk its hurt
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
