just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
