Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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