Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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