i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
