this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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