a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
