i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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