I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
