party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
