Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
bring money and cleavage
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
