I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
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I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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