How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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