I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
