I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize