We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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