3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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