yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
