just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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