last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
