I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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