i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
