never play flip cup with pint glasses
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
