I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize