Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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