i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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