Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
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Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
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just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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