i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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