Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
