I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
