I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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