So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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