i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
