At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
