you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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