you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Randomize
