Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
