let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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