that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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