You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
