He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
