And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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