Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
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