she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
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All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
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Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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