My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize