I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
