i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
