I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
