This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
