I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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