It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
