I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
