I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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