There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
