im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You pole danced in your parka.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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