In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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