first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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