i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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