Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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