I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
