What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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