best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
